I usually don’t share a lot of personal stuff, but I’ve had so many people ask who, what, why…etc. So here ya go! In 2020 when the world was shutting down due to COVID-19, I lost my job. It was a shock to say the least. I can still go back to that Monday morning zoom call when I was informed that the company was eliminating my position along with several others. I felt like I lost my hearing during the meeting as voices became muffled when the next steps were being explained to me on what I needed to do, and when my last day would be. I’d been in this particular industry for thirteen years at this point, and something like that had never happened to me, and I had no words. Speaking of words…the word spread like wildfire throughout the company and co-workers called and text “I just heard…I’m so sorry. Let me know if there is anything I can do”. Just when I felt like I’d gotten my composure, another text would remind me of what happened. My initial response was panic. I cried so hard to the point where I almost threw up. However, I had to snap out of it as my daughter was homeschooling because of COVID-19, and I didn’t want her to see me in shambles.  Once I got myself together, I checked on her to see if she needed anything…If she didn’t, I went to my room. For several weeks my room was where I spent most of my time.

At some point I informed people who needed to know, but that was about it. I’d let the others find out through word of mouth or when I felt like telling them. It wasn’t that I didn’t want anyone to know; I just didn’t have the energy to keep explaining what happened. As time went on, all I had the energy to do was check on my child periodically. She’s always been mature for her age, like me, so for LONG periods of the day I just let her fend for herself, for snacks, for school…etc. It was only when she came to my room to say she was hungry, I’d get up and fix her something to eat, and then I’d go back to my room. Let me say, I never felt like harming myself; I just didn’t have the energy for anything. I do realize this was depression. I already had a divorce on my personal résumé, business ventures that didn’t work out, now this. The perfect storm.

There is a country song “You Find Out Who Your Friends Are” by Tracy Lawrence that comes to mind during this time in my life (I LOVE Country Music). I had friends that said “I’m coming”. Some took off work and just sat on my front porch with me and let me talk….for HOURS. Some invited me out over and over even though I kept declining their invite. There were a few people….ones I thought would be front and center that were not. That still stings to this day. They never showed up and some even acted like it was no big deal. Perhaps it wasn’t to them. We all handle things differently, and I know that others have gone through worse situations. What I’ve learned from that is the cliché “You can’t get blood from a turnip” is true…meaning, people can’t give you what they don’t have. If they don’t have the capacity/wherewithal/gumption; they can’t give it to you. EVEN if a person appears  or present themselves to others to be the one who can…they CAN NOT if they truly don’t have it within them. Let that linger on your palate for a bit. I don’t blame anyone for not showing up for me, because at the end of the day it was I who showed up for me. That was the most important lesson, and that I am now living instead of surviving!

I am sharing just a snippet (and I do mean snippet) of what I went through to let people know that a transformation was happening and still is if I am being honest. Of course, we are always evolving. The story above was the kingpin of it all. There was no one thing, but plethora of events. So for those who have asked, what are you doing…tell me your secret…I went through hell and back. That’s my secret. In all seriousness, a lot of stuff happened that caused me to change in such a way that I could have never planned. Who you see today is literally a different person than before, on the outside, but most importantly on the inside. Sometimes I feel like I need to change my name (not going to do that) but that is how profound the change was. Honestly, I knew change was coming…I just didn’t know it would happen the way it did. It wasn’t the best of times, but it was the BEST time!! Thank you for reading and allowing me a few minutes of your time.

Lastly, if you ever need someone to talk to…even if we don’t communicate often, please reach out. I am an excellent listener, and some say I give good advice too! Since this is supposed to be a fashion blog..see outfit details below!