“You are living your best life” is what I hear in response to my love for traveling. Am I really living my best life??? I’d say YES, I am. I post mostly fun stuff on social media because there’s enough madness in the world without me adding to it. With that being noted, I am definitely not excluded from said madness…I just choose when and where to share it.

Storytime….

Fall of 2022: A few of my dad’s family members found me and we started communicating. During communication with my newly found family members, it was discussed how I had not seen or talked to my dad in twenty-five years. The family members and I talked on the phone until we decided to meet.

Summer of 2023: I met my dad’s family in Mississippi. Mississippi is where I am from and where my dad lives. I was excited that I had a chance to mend the lost legacy. The family greeted me with nothing but love and acceptance with which I reciprocated. While visiting, I had the opportunity to facetime with other family members. Since then, we all have found ways to keep in touch. Of course, there was a discussion about my dad who did not come the meeting. I wasn’t bothered, so I thought, because I was used to it. Honestly it was all I’ve ever known. I was a child the last time I saw him twenty-five years prior, and before that I was even younger. Not seeing him was like any other day, except for the fact that it wasn’t.

This time was different because I had changed. I had become a parent in those passing years, and my perception on life was different. This time I was bothered that my parent obviously didn’t want to see me. I’d be lying if I said the faceless encounter wasn’t hurtful. It was a sharp reminder of our relationship, or lack thereof. The mom in me wrestled with the question of why my dad didn’t, after so many years, want to see me. Nonetheless, I made the most of the visit and journeyed home to continue living my life. However, things were not the same. If you read my last blog post, A Change Is Gonna Come, you are aware of my transformation. The way I choose to keep an open mind and have compassion is one of the things I love most about myself.

Speaking of compassion, Merriam-Webster defines it as “sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it”. Compassion is a quality that has been a priority for me; in particular the defined words “consciousness of others’ distress”. I strive to be aware of what other people are going through, and then meet them where they are on their journey. Let me be clear, having compassion doesn’t mean being used, abused, or people pleasing. It’s also not taking on someone’s problems as your own… it is simply understanding another’s situation. And…sometimes the “desire to alleviate it” is stepping back and giving people space.

Here I am, Shaunda 2.0 trying to go back to life as normal, but there is a gnawing thought of reaching out to my dad. During the Summer visit with dad’s family, I was given my dad’s phone number, and was told he had my number as well. After several months passed by with no call from my dad; I knew that I would have to take the first step and call him.

Winter of 2023: With sweaty palms, I dialed my dad’s number. You wouldn’t believe that we talked on the phone as if there wasn’t a twenty-five-year gap in communication. There were no awkward pauses, and all of the questions and concerns I had disappeared. We conversed about various topics…we laughed together! It was not what I expected, but what was needed. As we ended the conversation; I told my dad that I would be in Mississippi in the Spring for a birthday celebration and wanted to meet him for lunch. He agreed to meet for lunch, and I told him that I would call beforehand as a reminder of our plans. I confirmed that he had my phone number and informed him that he was welcomed to call me anytime. I was amazed and relieved that our conversation went so well!   

Spring 2024: I fly to Mississippi for the birthday celebration. I won’t go through the drama of what happened as to shorten the story. Honestly it deserves a Super Soul Conversation at Oprah Winfrey’s house in Hawaii, but I digress. My dad did not show up. The phone calls to him as a reminder of our plans were unanswered. I felt myself getting mad…I was hot from the neck up, but almost instantly compassion showed up. There is a quote that I LOVE by Neale Donald Walsch that states “In the absence of that which you are not, that which you are is not.”. The moment we proclaim we are something; life will cross-examine us and ask…Are you really? If you say you are a compassionate person, how will you know unless you have opportunities to show compassion. What we are and what we are not are correlative to each other.

I now have compassion deeper than before. I’ve learned that when we are afraid, uncomfortable, or don’t know how to say no, we will avoid as a coping mechanism. It is not easy to face uncomfortable situations. It wasn’t easy for me to share this story because I wanted it to be different than what it actually is. However, facing our fears helps to move us forward. Shaunda a few years ago would have had some colorful words to say, but Shaunda today doesn’t. All I have is an understanding that for unknown reasons, my dad didn’t show up, and I am ok with that. Should the opportunity for a meeting present itself again, I will act from a place of compassion and make the most of it. Life is a collection of experiences. For me to cut out some parts of life because they aren’t pretty would be me cutting out life itself, and I am here for it all…living it all. The story above is a part of life……My Best Life!

 At-any-rate, I attended the birthday celebration, which honored my Auntie (Mom’s Sister) and had a ball. See pics below.